Palestine Government Pursues Terrorist Threat

Yesterday, Gaza Defense Force (GDF) artillery brigades and elite commando units armed with mobile rocket launchers pounded weapons factories and command and control centers within Usurped Palestine (UP), killing numerous terrorist operatives believed to be responsible for the repeated tank and helicopter gunship attacks upon the defenseless population of the small and largely undefended seaside enclave.

In a press conference following the raids, GDF spokesman, Ihab al-Ghussein declared “We believe we have delivered a strong blow against a terrorist infrastructure that has, for some time now, threatened Gazan civilians as they seek to peacefully live their daily lives and that, just last January, murdered one of the highest elected representatives of our people, Said Siyam, in a brutal missile attack on the home of his brother". The brother, his wife, their son, and Siyam’s son also perished in the attack. Siyam was but one of 1400 Gazans to die in this latest terrorist massacre.

He continued, “Every civilized country on the planet has a right and obligation to protect its citizens from having helicopter gunships float over its major populations centers and fire rockets into homes and cars as they see fit. No American living in Buffalo would tolerate attacks from aerial terrorist units of this type based in Mississauga, Ontario. Neither will we. Perhaps now the terrorists will now think twice about taking such murderous action against Gazan women and children from their safe havens in the Jerusalem Hills or their several large terrorist installations in what they call Tel Aviv on the Palestinian coast near Jaffa.”

When a reporter asked Ghussein to comment on reports that the GDF had employed excessive force in their efforts to root out terrorists located in the large Jewish population centers, he replied “The GDF is the most moral army in the world. It does not and never has made a policy of targeting civilians." He went on to say that “any loss of civilian life unfortunate” but added that“ such casualties are inevitable when the terrorists purposely locate operational centers, like the so-called Ministry of Defense, in the midst of cities. The Zionists have cynically and deliberately put ordinary Jews in harm's way by establishing its terrorist infrastructure – manufacturing, storage, training and strategic planning – within densely populated areas, in the midst of homes, schools, synagogues and hospitals”.

He went on to explain that “Within the Zionist entity it is extremely difficult to differentiate between civilians and terrorist operatives. Every male between 18 and 43 is forcibly conscripted into the terrorist brigades, which they mockingly term “Defense Forces”, for at least part of the year. It is not all uncommon to see heavily armed “civilians” from this group strutting through the streets of the UP intimidating those who might otherwise seek to construct a Palestine of peace where bloodlines don’t determine one’s ability to fully enjoy “democracy”, into adopting ever more intransigent and militant points of view”.

The problem is exacerbated, Ghussein said, by the frequent Zionist practice of employing human shields when GDF commandos close in on embedded facilities. We dropped leaflets warning them of the impending attack. If they wanted to, they could easily move all of their command, planning and supply operations out in to the Negev Desert where the problem of civilian involvement would be largely negated. However, they refuse to do so, insuring that innocent civilians will become collateral damage in our necessary defensive actions. The GDF cannot be held responsible for any loss of life related to such reprehensible policies.”

Finally, Ghussein was asked if the Gazan government and the GDF had any plans to use military solutions against the leadership of the Zionist entity. “As you are aware, our the Security Cabinet of our National Government has already taken the decision to forcibly remove the legally elected head Zionist terror regime, and here I quote from the official communiqué, ‘in a manner, and at a time, of its choosing’. And as our Deputy Prime Minister said on Gaza Radio shortly after that legislative development, “Killing Netanyahu is definitely one of the options”

Ghussein ended his press conference saying that “For some time now, we have found ourselves without anyone to talk to you in peace negotiations. We hope that by removing Netanyahu and his terrorist collaborators Barack, Liberman, Meridor and others, and replacing them with people our choosing like Uri Avnery, Avraham Burg, Neve Gordon, Mohammed Bakri,Ofra Lyth, Udi Aloni, Gilad Atzmonand Ilan Pappé—reasonable and serious people with whom we can do business—we can finally make progress on the Road Map to Peace.

Emanuel Decries Israeli Expansionism and the Role of Money in Politics

In a move that surprised both Washington insiders and political pundits alike, White House Chief of staff Rahm Emanuel yesterday denounced both Israeli expansionism and the outsized role of corporate interests in the shaping of our current political debate. “Though my father, Benjamin, was an arms smuggler for the Irgun, and is still an unrepentant anti-Arab bigot, who carried out activities that, were he a Muslim today, would have left him in Guantánamo for many years, or on the outside chance that he might have gained a habeas corpus hearing, serving several life terms in a Federal Penitentiary, I can no longer support current Israeli policies toward the Palestinian people.

He went on to explain the nature of is ideological evolution. “During the the Juy 4th weekend I finally got around to reading Ilan Pappé’s The Ethnic Cleansing of Palestine and found the argument compelling. Now, rather than simply encouraging Obama to make grandstanding and completely toothless demands to Netanyahu about stopping settlement expansion, I want him to begin thinking of Palestinians as people who love their children, families and homes almost as much as Jews love theirs. While we realize it will be some time before their ability to love their children matches our Holocaust-induced ability to do so, we believe everyone involved in the Middle Eastern conflict to begin preparing for this eventuality”.

When we asked well-known financier Haim Saban to comment on Emanuel’s recognition of the Palestinian’s historical plight and his apparent bestowal upon them of full human status, he remarked, “It must be a misprint. As I made clear to Nancy Pelosi during the Jane Harman spy scandal that the mainstream media obediently decided not to cover, I, as an American citizen, hold nothing in higher regard than the ruthless promotion of Israeli interests, especially that country’s continued and unfettered ability to displace undeserving Palestinians from their ancestral lands. He (Rahm) knows quite well that if he persists in suggesting that that these creatures are something other, something more human, than what they are, his boss cannot count on the support of my friends and I in 2010 and 2012”.

In a related note, Emanuel, who along with Chuck Schumer headed the fundraising efforts for congressional Democrats in 2006 and 2008, and scored a notable success in making the Democrats rather than the Republicans the proprietary party of Wall Street, announced, “It’s time to get money out of politics. I know that while in the past two election cycles I went on bended to knee to big business and then used their generous donations to recruit hawkish and pro-business candidates to run in primaries against our party’s peace-loving and middle-class supporting lunatic fringe, it is now time for a change. Fortunately for us, most Democrats, desperate to see the last of Bush, did not understand Obama’s FISA vote last summer for what it was: his signal to big business the Israel Lobby and the military complex that he would not in any way challenge their long-standing right to run the country as they saw fit. But now, even the most NPR-addled dolt has begun to realize that his next book, when it comes out, should be rightfully be titled The Audacity of Betrayal. We think we need to get out ahead of the curve on this one.” When we asked Emanuel how he planned to do this and replenish his party’s war chest, he said, “Can’t answer that right now. Gotta run. I’ve already kept Steve Bing waiting longer than any plutocrat should ever have to wait when summoning the president’s Chief of Staff for a White House meeting”.